I hadn't felt this since ever
by trytothinkaboutit
Summary: My first fanfic! Using characters from the movie Adventureland! Em/Conell/James. Conell has feelings for Em. Em doesn't know what she's feeling. Or does she? I don't own the characters! And I'm not sure which rating it should have, so i just guessed. Hope you enjoy!


**Conell -POV**

I never thought I could feel like this again. I do not even feel this for my wife, never did. Every time I look into those green eyes I explode. I want to be near her- I wish she felt the same way. She never has, she never will.

I walked through the big crowd at Adventureland looking for her. I needed to talk to her. Ever since that James-kid started working here she hasn't been the same. That worries me. What if she is over us? I kept walking, trying to get that thought out of my mind. I was going to invite her to my mom's basement as usual. She never says no to that. Wonder why? She never ever wants to talk to me. I guess I don't want to do that either. When I'm with her I want her close. We don't need words. When we're close, when we're touching; everything feels...good.

Yes! I see her. She is wearing her blue game-shirt, a pair of baggy jeans, she had her hair in a ponytail, which was unusual. She was the only one who could wear clothes like that but still look so sexy. She looked happy too. I liked that.

"Em!" I shouted. She turned around and looked at me. Her smile faded. Why did her smile fade when she saw me? Did I make her so unhappy?

Even though the smile on her face was gone, she started walking towards me fast. I couldn't help but smiling.

"Hey" she said in a neutral tone - she didn't sound happy nor sad.

"What's going on?" was the thing I choose to say.

"Nothing, really. Did you want something?" she asked and gave me a smile. Yes! she was smiling. Did she know what I was going to ask her? Was she excited?

"So.. what are you doing after work?" I asked as quick as possible. Gosh, I was nervous? Why?

"I don't know... Why?"

" I want to see you"

" Where?" she asked.

"The basement"

"What time?"

"7-8?"

"Okay. I have to go now" She said and left me there. She said yes. Good, she wasn't over us.

**Em - POV**

It's become a habit to be with Conell. I don't know if I like it or not. Even though we've been hooking up for a few months, I still feel like I don't know him. We never talk, not that I want to talk. Our "relationship" isn't that big of a deal. It's just physical. He doesn't like me like that. Right? Do I like him? No, I couldn't.

(after work)

Every time I'm walking up these stairs, I feel like I'm leaving all the shit behind me. I can't lie about that, he makes me think about... well: nothing. I don't need to think when I'm with him. Which I like. It's not until after words I start regretting it.

I knocked on the door. Gosh, why was I nervous? James would hate me if he knew what I was doing. But he isn't going to find out.

Conell opened the door. He looked handsome as usual. And he gave me a smile. He always smiled when he saw me. Why? _Did_ he like me? No, why would he?

"I'm so glad you came" he said and invited me inside. I gave him a little smile.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asked, and started walking towards the kitchen. "Beer? Whisky?" I couldn't drink to much, I was going to meet James after words...

"Beer!" I shouted to him. I didn't want James to see me as a drunk slut.. Even if that's what I actually was.

Conell entered the room. He handed me the beer. I took a sip.

"How was your day?" He asked. What was he doing? We don't talk, remember? I don't want to talk. That's why I'm here. To forget about everything. I'm here to _not _talk. I decided to take the first step. I walked closer to him. I pushed my lips against his. I softly started biting his upper lip. He accepted the kiss. I put my hands on his hips and slowly moved my hand up his loose t-shirt. He kissed me back (Yes, he was on board). We started pulling each others clothes off, fast.

(1 hour later)

Conell has fallen asleep. I'm just lying in a bed. Well you couldn't really call it a bed.. It's more of a couch. I was naked. I was meeting James in about 40 minutes. I didn't like this at all. It never felt good after words. All I could feel was shame.

I can't stay here any longer. I got out of the "bed" naked, and I started looking for my clothes. I quickly put them back on. I went into the kitchen and stole a beer. Then I left. I couldn't be there any longer.

(40 minutes later)

Shit. I'm late. I have to hurry up. I drove up at the place James and I were suppose to meet at. I saw him. He was sitting on a bench alone. There were no people there.

I closed the door behind me.

"You're here!" he said in a surprised voice.

"You didn't think I'd show up?" I smiled. It wasn't intentional.

"Eh.. no, no.. I don't know.." He smiled back at me. He was so nervous, and a bit awkward. I liked that.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

"It's fine, I just came here anyways."

"Okay" I said and sat down next to him. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel that he was looking at me. I liked it. It didn't take long before I could feel something wet on my cheek. Did he just kiss me on my cheek? For reel? I laughed. Maybe I shouldn't have. But seriously.. I just went from having sex with an older married man, to getting a kiss on the cheek from a virgin. Life is weird sometimes.

"Was that okay?" he asked. I didn't answer. We sat there quiet for a while. After about 2 minutes of silence I had to do something. I turned to look at him. I put my hands on his cheeks. I never do that. I put my lips against his. We kissed slowly for about 20 seconds. But it was only one kiss. A long kiss. After words he had the biggest, dorky smile on his face. I couldn't help it but to smile myself.

"Was that okay?" I asked him, but it was more of an imitation. We laughed together.

**Conell- POV**

When I woke up she was gone. Of course. She always is. I put on my clothes. I should go to Adventureland and thank her for yesterday. Even though it was my day of. I should show that I care. She doesn't seem to understand.

It feels exactly like yesterday. Walking through the crowds of Adventureland. But this time I couldn't see her. I started looking for her. I couldn't find her. And after a while I noticed that James wasn't there either. I decided to ask Bobby. He should know.

"Hey!" I said.

"Conell! Hello! Isn't it your day off today?"

"Yes.. But I'm actually looking for Em... or James.. Have you seen them?"

"They're in charge of... well... I'm not sure. But they're on a break now, so I guess they're in the coffee-room or in the bathroom.."

"Thanks" I said and quickly moved on.

I started walking towards the coffee-room. They should be there. I honestly didn't care if _he _was there, but they seemed to come as a package these days, at least at work. I opened the door. And I saw what I had been afraid of this whole time. They were kissing. In the coffee-room! What? No.. She was mine. Or maybe she wasn't? I have a wife. Maybe she just see me as a toy or something. Even though I didn't feel good at all, I had to pretend that I didn't care. James couldn't find out. And I was used to pretend. "Wow, wow, wow! What's going on here?" I tried to put on a fake smile, I'm not sure if it worked. Emily looked a bit upset. Annoyed maybe? James laughed.

"Sorry.." he said and he started walking towards the door. He continued

"I should really get back to work. Em, are you coming?" he asked her. I gave Em a look. Don't leave with him.

"I'll be there in a minute" she answered and smiled towards him. He left the room.

I didn't know what to say. I stared at her for a while. She tried to avoid eye contact. I didn't like that. She was the one who broke the silence.

"What are you doing here, Conell?" She sounded angry. What? She was mad at me? For what?

"Well.. I work here? And what were you doing with him?" She looked surprised that I was mad. Well I guess my hints hadn't come across. She didn't know that I cared for her or that I wanted more than her body.

"Why do you care? You're fucking married.." I didn't know what to say. She was right. Who was I to tell her who she could or couldn't kiss. I was fucking married.

"Don't you know that I care about you?" She looked even more surprised.

**Em- POV**

What was he doing? Why was he angry? Our relationship wasn't a relationship. We were not even friends. Does he like me? Even if he does, he's married. And I don't like him. I know that now. When I'm with him I feel empty. I feel nothing. Before I thought you could only feel either pain or nothing. In that case I choose feeling nothing. I realize that now. But when I'm with James, I feel something different. Something that I haven't felt since I was a kid. I felt happy. When I'm with him, I feel genuinely happy. I want that. I want that instead of this empty, hollow- nothing.

"Actually.. No. We don't care about each other. We don't even know each other." I don't know where that came from.. We're never honest with each other.

"I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I'm starting to really fucking hate myself"

"I _do _care about you, and I don't want this to end. It's to special." What was he saying? To special? What? Drinking beer and screwing in his mother's basement? He couldn't be serious.

"We can't do this anymore. I don't want to..." I looked at him to see his reaction. He looked a bit upset. Maybe he actually did care. But I couldn't be with him to be nice. I went up to him. Looked into his eyes. He looked right back at me. I kissed his cheek. "Bye, Conell." I left.

I walked up to James. I grabbed him by his hair and pushed my lips against his. We both smiled. He kissed my nose. I laughed. This felt right. I hadn't felt this since...ever.


End file.
